I was 20. It happened so suddenly, I can't imagine how these things are conjured up. We were at home having the usual playful fights over who is being treated badly. All of a sudden a shout for my mother. She, with considerable annoyance, peeks and..like lightening..runs.
I stand in perplexed stupor, not knowing what to make of the flight. It was quiet at home. My parents ran to the house next door. Standing by the dining table I was trying to fool myself into thinking there was nothing much except a more tempting argument that had erupted there. But she ran back inside. This time with tension and weird quails emerging from her mouth. My voice came out shrill..I panicked and asked what was happening. She flung her hands and just ran right in, jumped into better looking clothes and mumbled something. All I knew was her voice had horror in it.
He was lying there. In the middle of his living room. He looked numb. There was another neighbor pounding his chest and my father taking turns at it. There were some young men rubbing his feet. My grandmother was muttering something with fear smeared all over her face. My aunt was screaming some unintelligible orders. My mother was backing the car from the basement. I was standing at the entrance of the living room…just watching.
They put him into the car, though he had revived by then. He vomited a bit and then was almost gently forced into the car. They sped off. My dad, mom and grandfather.
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I miss him. I wish I could finish writing what I had begun. Maybe I will be able to..one day. For now, emotions ride over words.
I wish he knew I loved him. I wish he knew how sorry I am. I wish he knew it is very difficult to let go. I wish I could hold him. Just once..if he could hear me…
Cold. Silent. Dead.
