I experienced two very sad realities today. These are, perhaps, the most excruciating realities that have always made me feel weak.
I saw an elderly couple. She was limited by her paralytic stroke and he was a man - now withered. They were eating when we'd visited them. He slurped his food in, poured the rasam in a manner which spilled all over the table and dropped his glass of water. As I watched him I felt my heart grow heavy. It was a pain that shoots right through you and you wish you could just hold him and be of some service to him. Yet, much to my sadness, I could not. He picked up the dishes and cleaned the table himself. He made atleast five trips to the backyard where he kept all the unwashed dishes and to the portable dining table.
I have a great compassion for elderly men. Especially for those who are alone, have little money or have to do the housework as their wives are too unwell or incapacitated. I wish I could just do something.
The second was passing talk. It was the casual exchange of details that surprised me. It was about a couple who decided to live in an ashram the rest of their lives. Why? Because their greedy children sickened them. They'd sold their house and other worldly belongings and gave the two girls the money and moved into an ashram. To imagine how vexed they were of their very own children. To think that they just lifted their hands up and gave up on this world. It felt like..like we were a joke to them now. Running after what didn’t matter in the end. The girls can never see their parents again - not even when they're dying. Oh! How selfish has the human heart become!
..the sadness. It's a dark sort of sadness. I'd call it a murky shade of brown with a spot of bright red somewhere. It chokes me and moistens my eyes. It rips right through me and makes me freeze with its intensity. Its a rich quality of pain that seers every string of emotion which holds my heart in place. It's a sadness that breaks me..
I saw an elderly couple. She was limited by her paralytic stroke and he was a man - now withered. They were eating when we'd visited them. He slurped his food in, poured the rasam in a manner which spilled all over the table and dropped his glass of water. As I watched him I felt my heart grow heavy. It was a pain that shoots right through you and you wish you could just hold him and be of some service to him. Yet, much to my sadness, I could not. He picked up the dishes and cleaned the table himself. He made atleast five trips to the backyard where he kept all the unwashed dishes and to the portable dining table.
I have a great compassion for elderly men. Especially for those who are alone, have little money or have to do the housework as their wives are too unwell or incapacitated. I wish I could just do something.
The second was passing talk. It was the casual exchange of details that surprised me. It was about a couple who decided to live in an ashram the rest of their lives. Why? Because their greedy children sickened them. They'd sold their house and other worldly belongings and gave the two girls the money and moved into an ashram. To imagine how vexed they were of their very own children. To think that they just lifted their hands up and gave up on this world. It felt like..like we were a joke to them now. Running after what didn’t matter in the end. The girls can never see their parents again - not even when they're dying. Oh! How selfish has the human heart become!
..the sadness. It's a dark sort of sadness. I'd call it a murky shade of brown with a spot of bright red somewhere. It chokes me and moistens my eyes. It rips right through me and makes me freeze with its intensity. Its a rich quality of pain that seers every string of emotion which holds my heart in place. It's a sadness that breaks me..
6 comments:
I always read something new on your blog. Today, I came upon two new words. 1. rasam...which I believe is some sort of food. 2. ashram...I still have no idea what this means. They are not in my American dictionary, which I now know to be quite limited on worldly vocabulary.
Sadness exists all around us. It flows through us and we continue on our day sometimes seeing it, feeling it, wanting to do something about it; and sometimes just ignoring it. I find that there is so much saddness in the world that if I were to acknowledge everything, I would surely fall into a deep depression, lock myself away, and wait for "greener pastures." You have described these beautifully and succiently.
you have a good heart to feel the pain of other people.
I have always been fascinated, and occasionally terrified, by the elderly. Ah, time, steadily it does advance, and we are powerless before it. I don't like feeling powerless.
i agree with bismuth. and your feelings just translate into the written word, true and compassionate.
Seen too many cases of the second one. It's disheartening.. Yes. And they come up with 101 reasons as to why they can't look after their parents. Argh, it's maddening too.
stan laurel - rasam: it's a spicey liquid dish (can have tomato or onions in it) which we have just before curd. ashram: a place where sages etc stay, basically a place for one who is retiring from the 'worldly' life.
bismuth - I guess.
Jax - I agree..
transience - :)
the_woman - I know!
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