we were walking down to our destination (our respite) on a rainy day. the sky was gloomy and the rain was an annoying wetness that clung onto you like a disgusting smell. we had had enough of brooding, enough of shouldering whatever the present and the future had to give and we were just generally fatigued by it all.

until that moment we were both cast on the tidal waves of our drastically changed lives. we had come too far away from what we now recognize to be home and we felt rather confused. there were days when we were happy, days when we were tired. we had, basically, built this world of fleeting time.

now, we were simply stranded by our cruel decisions and were looking desperately for some semblance of stability. what is it that you want? what is it that will make you happy? what can you do about it? we had important questions to dodge. we wanted instant remedies that didn't require effort.

we were quietly walking up the road. lost in our thought-traps we took in the dreary environs. we watched other people scurrying to their homes with bags of shopping. we looked at them with a longing - how i wish i could be in a hurry to get somewhere too. i was still stuck in that place between sadness and numbness when she looked at me. she had that startling stillness in her eyes and her lips seemed to have tightened.

'the thing about loneliness', she said to me, 'is its ruthlessness'.