Me [Partie Un]

Some of the things I do not like about myself.

1. I look like a dog doing a number of stretches in bed early in the morning.
2. I brush my teeth 3 times a day and keep testing them to ensure they’re clean (enough).
3. I’d much rather let my food go cold than keep a duty pending.
4. I am a foodie.
5. I am too juxtaposed a personality.
6. I promise myself that I will not drink too much (whatever that means) and end up doing the same anyway.
7. I find it very hard to tell someone I love them.
8. I love my ex-boyfriend too much to admit it to him or anyone else.
9. There have been times when I was hung over for one full week.
10. I suffer from separation anxiety.
11. I get lost in my cocoon if I’m around people who are too cool for school.
12. I’m a nerd.
13. I’m passionate about my career which hasn’t any hope for the next 4 years.
14. I desperately hunt for reasons – almost with a paranoid affection.
15. I can’t help calling my tummy a ‘tummy baby’.
16. There are way too many voices in my head and I just can’t handle all of them.
17. I sleep a lot because I sleep little.
18. Sometimes, unknowingly, I speak very loudly.
19. At times I don’t laugh – I cackle.
20. I have stopped caring about the way I look.
21. I’m always waiting.
22. I live in a world which is different from the world at large.
23. I am stupid around hot (sexy, cute, intelligent, witty) men.
24. I have absolutely no wit whatsoever.
25. I like my hot chocolate with a Snickers bar.
26. I’m always either overweight or underweight.
27. My accent is never under my control and it helps people use it as a reflection of my personality.
28. I haven’t learnt how to protect myself.
29. I cry when I fall ill.
30. I’m too hard on myself.
31. I have an instantaneous flight reaction to anything that jars me.
32. In the long run I adapt very well to change; however, I react very badly to change in the initial phase – oftentimes, jeopardizing my future.
33. I’ve got some concepts of life, living, the world and its people all rather different than normal in my head.
34. I can hardly ever say no to people I care about.
35. I bottle up my anger.
36. I suffer from guilt most of the time.
37. Hence, I say ‘Thank you’ and ‘Sorry’ quite exhaustingly.
38. I’m over-sensitive.
39. I work on one thought process at a time instead of the whole.
40. I get disenchanted quickly.
41. I talk too much.
42. I can never remember what bad someone did me (for the sake of proof in future arguments).
43. A lot of my time gets sacrificed in personal relationships.
44. I have a low pain threshold.
45. I sacrifice a lot for people who don’t give a shit about it and me in the end.
46. I like to drive a point home and then hammer it down into the brain of whoever I’m talking to.
47. I can never forgive my uncle – although I forget what exactly did he do to elicit such deep resentment of him in me.
48. I resemble my uncle in some aspects (I hate that).
49. I’m always torn between climbing the ladder of success and doing exactly what I want to do.
50. I take a lot of bullshit from my ‘friends’.
51. ‘Honesty is the best policy’ – I take that so seriously.
52. I’m into my freebies.
53. I call men ‘bitch’ when I’m feeling really kicked about something.
54. I’ve a confrontational personality for façade.
55. I speak extremely truthfully when I’m drunk.
56. I trust people easily.
57. I’m not in with this whole fashion thing.
58. What’s money supposed to be doing again?
59. I’m impatient with my grandparents.
60. I get very bothered thinking that everyone is watching me.
61. I’m disappointed with love.
62. My dreams feel so real.
63. I haven’t let gone of many issues.
64. I’m never doing, growing, exploring, traveling and learning enough.
65. When I get angry, my whole body shakes and I cannot speak.
66. I have a common face.
67. I pick at the skin on my fingers that trace my finger nails.
68. Relaxing doesn’t come effortlessly to me.
69. Sometimes I lose focus.
70. I think I don’t value my time as much as I value other people’s time.
71. My voice is very shrill.
72. I love my carbos and calories.
73. Oftentimes, I notice that in reality I’m simply torturing myself with unwanted thoughts, unnecessarily people and useless actions. And I totally despise that.
74. I can swim like a fucking whale – 80 laps on average.
75. I think I will have serious coping problems when my parents pass away – I suspect, I will take it very..very badly.
76. I seldom accept the fact that I am, in actuality, a good person.
77. I’m afraid of God.