For 23 years now I wanted one smooth, not perfect, just smooth birthday. And for 23 years (and counting) I've only had horrible birthdays. I have seen my dreams shatter in front of me, made it other-centered than me-centered and barely stayed afloat.
What's surprising is how it only gets more complicated, sad and upsetting. It's amazing how I cannot have respite and the ugly, unfaithful year that was is represented in one swell shot. Today was no less. Tomorrow, I believe, will basically suck because my preparation for the birthday to come has been nothing better than shitty. Tears, heartbreaks, harsh words, low self-esteem, frustration and misery can spell this eve. What hurts is that I have not one person who wants to do something..just about anything..special. If no one can do anything special, then why can't they not make me feel like shit? And, most importantly, why should I find myself crying before, during and after my birthday?
I catch myself asking this ungodly God for a simple, peaceful day instead of a fucking birthday. So give me atleast that, goddammit.
Yeah. Happy Birthday to me, alright.
What's surprising is how it only gets more complicated, sad and upsetting. It's amazing how I cannot have respite and the ugly, unfaithful year that was is represented in one swell shot. Today was no less. Tomorrow, I believe, will basically suck because my preparation for the birthday to come has been nothing better than shitty. Tears, heartbreaks, harsh words, low self-esteem, frustration and misery can spell this eve. What hurts is that I have not one person who wants to do something..just about anything..special. If no one can do anything special, then why can't they not make me feel like shit? And, most importantly, why should I find myself crying before, during and after my birthday?
I catch myself asking this ungodly God for a simple, peaceful day instead of a fucking birthday. So give me atleast that, goddammit.
Yeah. Happy Birthday to me, alright.
