I have been wanting to write about many things and I've opened so many notepads in my account that I'm afraid anyone who sneaks a peak into my 'blog' folder might feel nonplussed wondering what the hell am I doing with these half written sentences and suspended verse. And to think I have just written a pretty long sentence - sigh, the irony of life.
I've decided that I might as well assemble the bits and pieces that I have in these notepads and compile them into one post. This might make for a good chronicle. Yenjoy.
*****
This chap came by on Sunday to see me. He has a big nose. There were some issues I had with that sort of nose-size. I had to adjust my vision to fit the nose into the framework of how much my vision could take. During conversation I began to worry whether he wanted to kiss me. Oh god, that nose will maul my face!! I then began imagining how our kids might be. The kid will, in all probability, be called 'ding-dong' coz his nose is going to be so large and bulbous that you can sway it like a bell!! The hellish word - Kids!? Oh lord, what about my labor pains? I'll have labor pains because of that nose more than the head of the baby!
My dad called up later during the week and this is our conversation:
She: Dad, I finally met that guy.
He: You met him! When?
She: It was a spur of the moment sorta thing. But I really didn't know that I was meant to prepare myself for that kind of a bulbous nose, Daddy.
He burst out laughing for 2 full minutes. Long-distance calling, ladies and gents. And the man took 2 minutes just to laugh.
---
She 1 (to flatmate): I normally have veggies stacked in the house, don't I?
She 2: Oh yeah. The amount of veggies you eat - sinful almost!
She 1: Well, the day I don't have veggies in this house a vegetarian pops in. M, here, went almost without dinner last night!
M: That's something like the Murphy's law, isn't it? When you don't have the vegetables, the vegetarian arrives.
She 1: Yeah, just like when you don't have any money and your mother is in Zambia...
M & She 2: I'm not sure if that's a Murphy's law, actually..
---
We went out to the local pub for a quiz night. This is how the name of our team evolved:
Round 1: I'm wearing women's knickers.
Round 2: I'm wearing dirty women's knickers.
Round 3: We're all wearing knickers...Oh yeah!!!
Round 4: My knickers want to be knackered.
Round 5: We've all got knickers - except that guy there.
Round 6: I want your knickers.
We're thinking of changing knickers to breasts next week.
---
Talking of which, my 50%-Brit-50%-NZ friend noticed we sucked at the sports round. She's now looking for a hot, tall, tanned, muscular, blue eyed techie. When 50B50NZ mentioned that, I began realizing we need a man with a good knowledge on music. So I'm recruiting any hot, not so tall, tanned, muscular, brown eyed guy. Knowledge in music might be required. We can negotiate if otherwise.
Any applicants?
---
I have a problem with people who talk too much about themselves. I can differentiate between the kinds who need to vent something out or who are discovering who they are and the kind who think they're 'oh-so-cool-that-the-bitch-over-there-wants-to-bring-em-down'. Basically, I'm talking of that category of people who can do nothing but talk about how someone else is not so great in order to make you think that they are, guess what, great. I've got two words for them. Bull and shit. Bullshit.
I sat through all of my lunch yesterday listening to a bespectacled woman who went on about how a common acquaintance is horrible and makes her, Spexy (as I shall call this heavily myopic human being), out to be not an ideal person. Spexy, unfortunately, wanted to make herself feel good. She moved onto talking about a few more common names and made them all out to be unidealistic, messed up people.
There were two words in my head that kept ringing like the bells of the biggest temple in whichever world throughout those 2 hours. Fuck you. I mean, come on! How long will you thrash everyone's chracters out? The criterion for being a good person or a bad person is not something any human being can talk of. If you're honest with yourself and can sort whatever truths out, that's cool by me.
Some people need more acceptance, freedom and permissions than they were given.
---
I was lolling in bed one day and thought of some romantic things I can do for whichever lucky guy will come my way next. I thought of all the fun things I can do with him, the cute gifts I can get him, the places we can go to..the lovely times that can be shared. I realized that my current problem is that I want someone to love. I, also, realized that God is testing me big time on this. I've always managed to escape the lesson of patience; I don't think I can this time around!
---
This German once asked me out for coffee. When I arrived, he was with another German friend of his who had, apparently, suddenly popped by to see him. When we took our drinks to the tables, the German that I knew bumped into a friend of his. In the greatest stroke of stupidity, he asked whether we could join her.
Basically, I had a date with two Germans and one Indian girl. Let's rephrase that, the German who asked me out wanted to give me a kinky night of eye sex while he talked to his other friends. When I got up to leave he looked at me expectantly. I looked at him expectantly too.
He thought: I wish she'd fix up for another time and then I can, for sure, sleep with her.
She thought: I wish he'd come out so that he'll know what's the print of my boot like across his face.
What to do? Gender differences and all that!
I've decided that I might as well assemble the bits and pieces that I have in these notepads and compile them into one post. This might make for a good chronicle. Yenjoy.
*****
This chap came by on Sunday to see me. He has a big nose. There were some issues I had with that sort of nose-size. I had to adjust my vision to fit the nose into the framework of how much my vision could take. During conversation I began to worry whether he wanted to kiss me. Oh god, that nose will maul my face!! I then began imagining how our kids might be. The kid will, in all probability, be called 'ding-dong' coz his nose is going to be so large and bulbous that you can sway it like a bell!! The hellish word - Kids!? Oh lord, what about my labor pains? I'll have labor pains because of that nose more than the head of the baby!
My dad called up later during the week and this is our conversation:
She: Dad, I finally met that guy.
He: You met him! When?
She: It was a spur of the moment sorta thing. But I really didn't know that I was meant to prepare myself for that kind of a bulbous nose, Daddy.
He burst out laughing for 2 full minutes. Long-distance calling, ladies and gents. And the man took 2 minutes just to laugh.
---
She 1 (to flatmate): I normally have veggies stacked in the house, don't I?
She 2: Oh yeah. The amount of veggies you eat - sinful almost!
She 1: Well, the day I don't have veggies in this house a vegetarian pops in. M, here, went almost without dinner last night!
M: That's something like the Murphy's law, isn't it? When you don't have the vegetables, the vegetarian arrives.
She 1: Yeah, just like when you don't have any money and your mother is in Zambia...
M & She 2: I'm not sure if that's a Murphy's law, actually..
---
We went out to the local pub for a quiz night. This is how the name of our team evolved:
Round 1: I'm wearing women's knickers.
Round 2: I'm wearing dirty women's knickers.
Round 3: We're all wearing knickers...Oh yeah!!!
Round 4: My knickers want to be knackered.
Round 5: We've all got knickers - except that guy there.
Round 6: I want your knickers.
We're thinking of changing knickers to breasts next week.
---
Talking of which, my 50%-Brit-50%-NZ friend noticed we sucked at the sports round. She's now looking for a hot, tall, tanned, muscular, blue eyed techie. When 50B50NZ mentioned that, I began realizing we need a man with a good knowledge on music. So I'm recruiting any hot, not so tall, tanned, muscular, brown eyed guy. Knowledge in music might be required. We can negotiate if otherwise.
Any applicants?
---
I have a problem with people who talk too much about themselves. I can differentiate between the kinds who need to vent something out or who are discovering who they are and the kind who think they're 'oh-so-cool-that-the-bitch-over-there-wants-to-bring-em-down'. Basically, I'm talking of that category of people who can do nothing but talk about how someone else is not so great in order to make you think that they are, guess what, great. I've got two words for them. Bull and shit. Bullshit.
I sat through all of my lunch yesterday listening to a bespectacled woman who went on about how a common acquaintance is horrible and makes her, Spexy (as I shall call this heavily myopic human being), out to be not an ideal person. Spexy, unfortunately, wanted to make herself feel good. She moved onto talking about a few more common names and made them all out to be unidealistic, messed up people.
There were two words in my head that kept ringing like the bells of the biggest temple in whichever world throughout those 2 hours. Fuck you. I mean, come on! How long will you thrash everyone's chracters out? The criterion for being a good person or a bad person is not something any human being can talk of. If you're honest with yourself and can sort whatever truths out, that's cool by me.
Some people need more acceptance, freedom and permissions than they were given.
---
I was lolling in bed one day and thought of some romantic things I can do for whichever lucky guy will come my way next. I thought of all the fun things I can do with him, the cute gifts I can get him, the places we can go to..the lovely times that can be shared. I realized that my current problem is that I want someone to love. I, also, realized that God is testing me big time on this. I've always managed to escape the lesson of patience; I don't think I can this time around!
---
This German once asked me out for coffee. When I arrived, he was with another German friend of his who had, apparently, suddenly popped by to see him. When we took our drinks to the tables, the German that I knew bumped into a friend of his. In the greatest stroke of stupidity, he asked whether we could join her.
Basically, I had a date with two Germans and one Indian girl. Let's rephrase that, the German who asked me out wanted to give me a kinky night of eye sex while he talked to his other friends. When I got up to leave he looked at me expectantly. I looked at him expectantly too.
He thought: I wish she'd fix up for another time and then I can, for sure, sleep with her.
She thought: I wish he'd come out so that he'll know what's the print of my boot like across his face.
What to do? Gender differences and all that!
3 comments:
Expert in sport, and music.
Not muscular, though.
Heh.
:)
This is hilarious! I love the way you write out these conversations :D
And yes, if you do find that muscular hunk, ask him if he's got a bro. We can do with some charity here, now isnt it ;)
melon collie - I'll take you up on that then ;) You got my email id!
Casablanca - Girl, I'm a greedy bitch. ;)
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