a smile, a tear, a
terrible dream
and i’ve snapped out
of the entrapment of
you.
terrible dream
and i’ve snapped out
of the entrapment of
you.
I'm always reminded of Coldplay's lyrics in 'The Scientist' when I think of how hard it can be to move on. Of course, we all know that moving on is difficult but none of us were ever aware of exactly how hard it really is. We do need to go through it to know what it takes. And each time we need to move on from another relationship, it hurts harder.
I'm reminded of how this old bachelor once told me he doesn't want to have anything to do with love coz love hurts. Sure it does. Sweet agony, they call it. Pffft. I don't understand what all this sweetness in agony is. I've been strongly inclined, lately, to say that love is a sheer disappointment. However, I don't belittle the greatness that love by itself is and the mad strength it gives a person in love. It's amazing how we don't realize the great things love makes us do.
The problem is that there is a neuroticism involved in this whole love business. There's nothing wrong with love by itself, actually. It's what society, parents, friends, media, books and a plethora of other catalytic agents, not to mention our own insecurities, impressions, ideas and opinions, which influence the meaning of love, what we want from it, what we end up deriving from it and how we handle it. After 10 years of this ride, I've finally understood that I needed to make those mistakes. I can now understand when what is coming into play - is it my insecurities, society, mom and dad, some certain expectation? - that tends to fuck things up. Naturally, when two people make all those mistakes, it's worse.
Then again we are not at all perfect. Like self-esteem that needs to be worked on regularly, so is the case with love. Two people making mistakes still live in perfect harmony and are very much in love because they know this. It takes alot of hard work to suspend the noise, but it's amazing when you can do it. This brings me to something I must've read somewhere; maybe we all need to make some mistakes and explorations before we figure out how to get to this stage of balancing noise and love. Perhaps we have x number of loves to go through before we can detach love from all these extra frills that got attached to it along our prance through life.
I know I have completed my number. I've, at last, had it. I got a one year supply of time and thought, learning and living, humor and sadness, perspective and books to strike the balance that makes me a normal person! I'm sure most of my ex-boyfriends will tell anyone who will listen that I was a total nutcase. But now I've gained clarity. Now that all the deeds are done, all I need to do is enjoy that big love when it comes.
my heart woke up
from the deep slumber of
being in love with you
and told me that it's had enough.
enough.
from the deep slumber of
being in love with you
and told me that it's had enough.
enough.
7 comments:
Have to work hard on other things right now but a critique on the post coming up soon!! :o)
Ok, here goes (It is not really a critique though becasue I agree mostly with everyhting you say)
"...There's nothing wrong with love by itself, actually. It's what society, parents, friends, media, books and a plethora of other catalytic agents, not to mention our own insecurities, impressions, ideas and opinions, which ..."
I completely agree with you here in that I too feel that there is nothing wrong with love by itself (in fact in my experience love is perhaps the only space where everything is right). And you also mention the things which might have something wrong with them. And here too I agree with you that it is the latter and not the former that we need to get rid of!
The x though might be quite different for different people. And perhaps what x is for every person depends on his/her willingness to learn. We can make the same mistakes over and over again and not learn and sometimes we can learn from a single mistake.
It's nice that you feel you have made your share of mistakes but in life one never knows. A wise man once told me "give yourself the permission to make a thousand mistakes. but just don't repeat them"
Good luck and enjoy the ride! :o)
well u made urself clear of it ... good luck !!
Love aint a business, infact that the only thing stays without being business.. when turns out to be... It will be an unfair one..
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
truly M...
totally.. amazing work...
and well, thts the way most things r.. so if we gonna get agonised anyway why not atleast give ourselves a smile in its imagined sweetness... (coincidentally reminds me of something..... strange!!)
Hope you've found your peace now!
Anu - Why do I almost always agree with you!? I'm glad you liked my clinical yet (what I consider to be) apparently wise post-mortem of love and the nature of love. :)) More discussions, gossip, verbal overload coming up next month when I come up to London, yeah?
monkdude - Thanks!
markiv - Haha. I like how you say truly M. I re-read this piece after like 2 weeks and realized it oozes the fact that I'm a researcher.
clash - This world operates on transactions. There's a difference between that and pure business.
Grey Shades - Sure as hell did!
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