I haven't had any traumatic incident in my life. Certainly none of the kind that my patients go through, my husband went through or, indeed, my dad went through. I had a an almost enviable life. Yet, I know that I went through my shit. You see, we mark the deep unhappinesses in our life by specific incidents that are globally accepted as as a clear physical sign of trauma. We validate ones that have been witnessed, have tangible reality attached to it and are proven source of misfortune. Me on the other hand...hmm, if only we could put a price on psychological damage.
My husband mocks me, he says that it must have been 'traumatic' having to spend my childhood in a foreign country, to live my teenage studing in a posh school and being thrown into the world of opportunities, to grow up doing exactly what I wanted. He classifies my trauma as a typical teenager's complaint. My father laughs it off. But my mother, I think she understands. However, as all mothers do, she will not admit.
I don't say traumas are a bad thing. We learn from them very quickly. An abusive parent teaches their kid how to swiftly read their emotions so as to manipulate the impending abuse. When that kid grows up, no matter what his/her profession, they'll always have the advantage of grasping your emotions even before you process them. They become naturals. And you cannot deny that that is quite an edge to have.
So what about me then? What life events could've led me to where I am. My profession involves interviewing cancer patients, offering them psychological counselling, understanding their coping mechanisms. It's intimate, draining and very real. But how do I get to the bottom of their issues? I am gifted with a natural ability to deeply understand people's motivations, calling and needs. After the first 20 minutes I can tell you what really is their driving need, motivation and eventually their calling for something. It can be the need to be a good daughter, the need to be a survivor, or the calling of death. I will know.
How did I become a natural? My mother used to have a manipulative sense of humor during our Syria days. Everytime my dad and she had a disagreement (which was often), she'd tell me in front of him that they were going to divorce. As a kid I believed her. But I had to figure out if she meant what she said. I learnt to understand whether she was motivated to quit the man, whether she really needed to get out of the marriage, whether her calling told her to cut and run. I moved between countries alot. My friends were ephemeral and I had to make sure my friendships were not. My parents affection for my cousin appeared to override their faith in me. My first boyfriend repeatedly cheated on me. The sexual abuse. The list can go on. I simply enhanced my natural survival technique.
We all deservethe dignity of our stories. My trauma made me who I am. I am thankful for the nights of sadness, the cigs I smoked as an act of symbolism, the doubts that riddled my eyebrows and the thoughts that burdened my heart. So when my husband or my parents scoff at my vulnerabilty during intimate disclosure, I know they are doing that because they cannot believe the fact that their words, deeds and thoughts are so consequential.
My husband mocks me, he says that it must have been 'traumatic' having to spend my childhood in a foreign country, to live my teenage studing in a posh school and being thrown into the world of opportunities, to grow up doing exactly what I wanted. He classifies my trauma as a typical teenager's complaint. My father laughs it off. But my mother, I think she understands. However, as all mothers do, she will not admit.
I don't say traumas are a bad thing. We learn from them very quickly. An abusive parent teaches their kid how to swiftly read their emotions so as to manipulate the impending abuse. When that kid grows up, no matter what his/her profession, they'll always have the advantage of grasping your emotions even before you process them. They become naturals. And you cannot deny that that is quite an edge to have.
So what about me then? What life events could've led me to where I am. My profession involves interviewing cancer patients, offering them psychological counselling, understanding their coping mechanisms. It's intimate, draining and very real. But how do I get to the bottom of their issues? I am gifted with a natural ability to deeply understand people's motivations, calling and needs. After the first 20 minutes I can tell you what really is their driving need, motivation and eventually their calling for something. It can be the need to be a good daughter, the need to be a survivor, or the calling of death. I will know.
How did I become a natural? My mother used to have a manipulative sense of humor during our Syria days. Everytime my dad and she had a disagreement (which was often), she'd tell me in front of him that they were going to divorce. As a kid I believed her. But I had to figure out if she meant what she said. I learnt to understand whether she was motivated to quit the man, whether she really needed to get out of the marriage, whether her calling told her to cut and run. I moved between countries alot. My friends were ephemeral and I had to make sure my friendships were not. My parents affection for my cousin appeared to override their faith in me. My first boyfriend repeatedly cheated on me. The sexual abuse. The list can go on. I simply enhanced my natural survival technique.
We all deservethe dignity of our stories. My trauma made me who I am. I am thankful for the nights of sadness, the cigs I smoked as an act of symbolism, the doubts that riddled my eyebrows and the thoughts that burdened my heart. So when my husband or my parents scoff at my vulnerabilty during intimate disclosure, I know they are doing that because they cannot believe the fact that their words, deeds and thoughts are so consequential.
