The pain of romantic love is the most unforgiving, exacting, and relentless thing. I have loved many times and thought that the last time I loved someone will be forever. But love has consistently bitten in my back and proven to me what a fairytale concept it is. The pain of love is so immense, that the beauty of it's flittering nature is useless.
I know poets and 'believers' out there would like to argue and convince me otherwise, but I know from my immeasurable experience that the pain far outweighs the gain. Just like you out there I genuinely believed that love is this wonderful, awe-inspiring, ennobling experience that makes the moments of unhappiness seem minuscule in comparison. Oh, I had this faith that when I found the 'Man' that our love was solid, beautiful, and pure. And then the next 'Man' happened and I believed all those things over again. But you know what I've come to finally understand? Love is a trap. Love is a lie. Love is the silent psychopath that will slice your heart into tiny pieces and smear it across the walls of your faith to prove to you how it can so easily trick you. I thought that here was where my buck stopped....I found it. And it didn't lie for so long. Then gradually love brought with it a comfort that made me become vulnerable, honest, trusting. At my weakest moment it struck and by god it struck so hard that to this very day I have to gasp for the air of reality to slap me out of this stupor. Love struck me down so hard, that I've finally understood what a conniving bastard it is.
I have learnt through many times of picking myself up that love is not worth my time or effort. Why should I waste so much of my energies and belief system just so I can bask in a momentary bliss? To love another person in a romantic relationship is the purest form of torture. I would rather have the mundane everyday happiness than subscribe to the rare blissful love. The pain of love is evil...and it shan't enter my heart's shrine again.
Indeed, it is better not to love, than to love at all.
I know poets and 'believers' out there would like to argue and convince me otherwise, but I know from my immeasurable experience that the pain far outweighs the gain. Just like you out there I genuinely believed that love is this wonderful, awe-inspiring, ennobling experience that makes the moments of unhappiness seem minuscule in comparison. Oh, I had this faith that when I found the 'Man' that our love was solid, beautiful, and pure. And then the next 'Man' happened and I believed all those things over again. But you know what I've come to finally understand? Love is a trap. Love is a lie. Love is the silent psychopath that will slice your heart into tiny pieces and smear it across the walls of your faith to prove to you how it can so easily trick you. I thought that here was where my buck stopped....I found it. And it didn't lie for so long. Then gradually love brought with it a comfort that made me become vulnerable, honest, trusting. At my weakest moment it struck and by god it struck so hard that to this very day I have to gasp for the air of reality to slap me out of this stupor. Love struck me down so hard, that I've finally understood what a conniving bastard it is.
I have learnt through many times of picking myself up that love is not worth my time or effort. Why should I waste so much of my energies and belief system just so I can bask in a momentary bliss? To love another person in a romantic relationship is the purest form of torture. I would rather have the mundane everyday happiness than subscribe to the rare blissful love. The pain of love is evil...and it shan't enter my heart's shrine again.
Indeed, it is better not to love, than to love at all.
1 comment:
all i can say is have faith M. am not saying faith in love, or god or yourself...just faith that things will get better and trust me, they would.
and i agree with most of what you said abt love coz i know how it can hurt and make you feel cheated when the bad times outweigh the good ones. of how you can feel that everything that was good was just an illusion. so its ok to be cynical...but it is not ok to close your heart. no matter what happens, keep your heart open, be open to experience. be open to life. and understand that nothing lasts forever. neither love nor lack of it.
sorry for such a long comment but i just hope you feel better,
hugs,
eunoia
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