Life is for the living.

Her fingers fumble whilst searching for the mobile phone. They grasp the phone, take cover out, and then she begrudgingly opens one eye to check the time. It's 4.30AM. Her mind tells her to go back to sleep and not check her emails - again. Yet, she uses some form of rationalization, and checks her empty inbox. She consoles herself that she never expected anything in there anyway. But in a desperate corner of her heart, she wished there were some kind words waiting for her to read between gasps and sobs. Disheartened, she forces herself to go back to sleep. But her mind swims through memories before it tricks her into slumber.

Sometimes she wakes up with dirty dry tear stains on her cheeks. Lately, she's not even morbidly fascinated at how deep her eyes appear, the dark circles highlighting her destroyed soul. There are days when she doesn't even look at her face. She stares into nothingness whilst brushing her teeth, runs her fingers through her hair, blindly wears a pair of earrings, and automatically wipes her glasses. Her eyes don't even rest on her wedding and engagement rings anymore. They used to call to her...lonely, gathering dust.

Her thoughts have become a burden. So she's stopped thinking. Her body has become an unwanted commitment. So she stopped eating. Her heart has burned down to ashes. So she feels nothing. She goes through the motions of walking to work, staring at a computer allowing her expertise on the English language to take over, and walks back home to her sleep.

Until two weeks ago, Sundays were the only days she looked remotely alive. She had her routine - read in bed for a while, take a long shower, walk into the city, drink a cup of tea near the fountains, lazily window shop, get a healthy lunch in her favorite cafe while reading her book, buy groceries on the way back home, stop at an unpretentious coffee shop for another cuppa tea, and bake once home. Only, the past two weeks she has neither energy nor will to drag herself through the empty gestures of life.

Life is for the living.