Laughter is my blood pressure medicine

I'm back in the motherland. I thank myself for cultivating a sense of humour these past few years, coz I'm sure cashing in on it now! There're a few things that struck me ever since my return..

1. Advice, advice...buy none, get three free: Be it your nagging cold or your insurance plans, everyone is ready to give you as much free advice as they can muster. Advice here ranges from 'drink turmeric milk' to 'have children then you'll be happy' all in one sitting with a total stranger. But what takes the cake and frosting too, is that people are happy to give you advice on a topic they don't even know! For example, my grandmother came up with n-number of reasons why I shouldn't use my laptop instead of computer when she doesn't even know how to operate her cordless phone :)

2. I CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE: Moving back from overly polite UK, this one was trauma to the throat and ears the first month. The only way anyone talks here is by shouting. My mom's definition of talking is pretty much my definition of tomorrow's sore throat. People here talk like their always at a live concert show. I'm afraid, in another month I might have to up the decibel points in my own volume or I might not get anything done here!

3. Always go straight and take a right: Now, I dunno if this is a Hyd thing, but when I ask anyone...and I mean anyone for directions they without fail will tell me to go straight and take a right. You know what's weird? 8 out of 10 times, they gave me the correct directions.

4. Curiosity didn't kill any cats here: Everyone is curious about everyone. Right from the sneaky sideways glances in a shopping mall to asking me about when will I bear kids, no one hesitates in the blatant disregard to boundaries. Indeed, people get offended when I do not reciprocate in kind :)

5. Have uterus? Love children: I love this unquestioned, not deliberated rule. All women must love children. When I tell people here that I don't like kids, they gasp in shock like I've uttered some profanity. I recall a lady actually bursting into prayers! Words cannot describe to you how amusing that was.

6. Gimme gotto gimme my carbs tonight, gimme gotta gimme my carbs!: South Indians love their simple carbs. Rice is their middle name. But what's most funny is that the diabetics will not take sugar in their tea, but eat a large heap of rice for dinner and go to bed 10 minutes later.

7. Theories , superstitions, rationalizations galore: Everyone has a theory , superstition, rationalization for everything. The natural calamities have increased because Mother Earth is angry with us (which is probably right). I have become fair-skinned because I essentially have my paternal grandmother's genes. It's okay that I am eating rice tonight, because I didn't eat rice in the afternoon. Sachin isn't batting well in cricket because I sat with my legs crossed.

8. I know you: Strangers know me better than I know myself :) It's true. A lady saw me taking pictures of the sunset on my in-law's terrace and opened the conversation with this, 'You like sunsets, no? I knew it.' Why don't I like kids? Ask Harish, the stranger I sat opposite in the train, 'You're an only child so you never grew up around children, so you don't like them'. Clearly I was home-schooled and cousin-less!

9. Preferential treatments: My 'Dr.' adage, my American twang, my confident gait gets me so much preferential treatment, that it's a good thing I don't usually avail it. When my husband went to get his international license done, all he was asked to do is wave a wad of cash. What is cute though, is that you are given preferential treatment esp. if you are quiet and have a polite air about you.

10. My ears are alive with the sound of noise: There is noise. Then at 3AM, there is more noise. There is always noise here. Be it the dog barking on the streets, the cart vendor screaming bananas, the water motor whirring, the ceiling fan, the neighbours fighting, the loud mobile phone ringtones, the honking...you are surrounded and there's no escaping it. No, not even those ear plug thingummies worked here.

11. Sabkuch chalta hain (everything goes): Finally, one big thing I've observed here is that almost everyone have a sweet, relaxed attitude because they all believe that everything goes. When I say that, I mean that if the water in your taps is slightly rainy, that's fine just buy a mineral water bottle. If the electricity is cut, that's fine just check the mobile updates for the cricket score. If the doctor comes 4 hours late, that's fine the junior doctor would've appeased you. Somehow, despite the chaos, lack of a system, absolute disregard for time...everything falls into place, and things actually get done! You just have to be willing to view it not as a loss of quality of life, but be proactive in adding that quality of life with either a sense of humour, reading a book while waiting, buying a usb-stick internet thingy.

Life here really is what you make it. That's my take home message :)