I don't like romantic love anymore.
I think it has a lot to do with my past relationships and what I've seen of my friends and their relationships. I don't like the games that two lovers play - actually, in all honesty, I don't like what love does to me. I have been many different people with my various lovers (some went a notch up and became boyfriends): I've been either too possessive, too giving, too controlling, too idealistic, too dreamy, too romantic or too needy. I've thrived on a single aspect of what this thing called love might encompass and shred it to pieces, and in this process tore my heart to bits.
I think I was getting to this stage where I am at a long, long time ago. It was my previous relationship (a most..riot like one, I would say) that ensured that I stand exactly where I am right now. I think the fierce love I had coupled with the fact that he was, perhaps, the only guy I loved so honestly and with all my heart sorta killed my desire to love again. Ofcourse, it isn't out of anger, repentance or a kind of bitterness that I've stopped liking this romantic love shit.
The reason I stopped liking the notion, let alone the actual reality, of romance and love and men and relationships with these men is the simple fact that the price one has to pay for love is too high. I refuse to have to go through heartaches, responsibility, answering, games, dishonesty, losing my center..the list goes on. Yes, the price one pays for love is far too high. And if a person did cause heartache..more than a countable number of times..I doubt it was love that was meant to be anyway. And if it wasn't meant to be, I refuse to invest any of my time in that.
I wasted too much time, money, heart, soul and mind. I like my life now. The occasional shag, loads of freedom, no heartache, no reporting to anybody and most important of all - no bitterness. I've learnt how complete my life is without my previously desperate need to finding a lover (read: substitute/answer for god knows what weakness in my personality) quickly. I think being single for the longest time in my life has helped me in many ways. I'm now more secure than I used to be - enough to wish a boyfriend I love well when I heard he got married, to hope that another one will hit it off really well with the girl he likes, and get back to atleast talking to my first ever boyfriend. I've made progress, alright!
Love is hyped. Romance, relationships - they are thrown totally out of their required range of importance. There's so much more to people than just that. We concentrate so much on this whole passion, romance, love factors that we forget other equally important things such as companionship, friendship, laughter. I've begun to understand and, now, strongly believe that actually it's nicer to focus on the latter half which (could) lead to the former half. Either ways, the experience is more fulfilling.
BUT, don't get me wrong. I want to settle down..eventually! Like I once told someone I know, this time around I'm simply going to get married to the guy! Until then I want to be free of the huge price tag attached to this whole love business.
(Note: You had better read this through a few more times at later points in your life and work it out with better clarity at those times. I think this is the beginning of something that will lead to something totally different - it definitely merits more thought and analysis. Actually. Please read this before you get married also.)
I think it has a lot to do with my past relationships and what I've seen of my friends and their relationships. I don't like the games that two lovers play - actually, in all honesty, I don't like what love does to me. I have been many different people with my various lovers (some went a notch up and became boyfriends): I've been either too possessive, too giving, too controlling, too idealistic, too dreamy, too romantic or too needy. I've thrived on a single aspect of what this thing called love might encompass and shred it to pieces, and in this process tore my heart to bits.
I think I was getting to this stage where I am at a long, long time ago. It was my previous relationship (a most..riot like one, I would say) that ensured that I stand exactly where I am right now. I think the fierce love I had coupled with the fact that he was, perhaps, the only guy I loved so honestly and with all my heart sorta killed my desire to love again. Ofcourse, it isn't out of anger, repentance or a kind of bitterness that I've stopped liking this romantic love shit.
The reason I stopped liking the notion, let alone the actual reality, of romance and love and men and relationships with these men is the simple fact that the price one has to pay for love is too high. I refuse to have to go through heartaches, responsibility, answering, games, dishonesty, losing my center..the list goes on. Yes, the price one pays for love is far too high. And if a person did cause heartache..more than a countable number of times..I doubt it was love that was meant to be anyway. And if it wasn't meant to be, I refuse to invest any of my time in that.
I wasted too much time, money, heart, soul and mind. I like my life now. The occasional shag, loads of freedom, no heartache, no reporting to anybody and most important of all - no bitterness. I've learnt how complete my life is without my previously desperate need to finding a lover (read: substitute/answer for god knows what weakness in my personality) quickly. I think being single for the longest time in my life has helped me in many ways. I'm now more secure than I used to be - enough to wish a boyfriend I love well when I heard he got married, to hope that another one will hit it off really well with the girl he likes, and get back to atleast talking to my first ever boyfriend. I've made progress, alright!
Love is hyped. Romance, relationships - they are thrown totally out of their required range of importance. There's so much more to people than just that. We concentrate so much on this whole passion, romance, love factors that we forget other equally important things such as companionship, friendship, laughter. I've begun to understand and, now, strongly believe that actually it's nicer to focus on the latter half which (could) lead to the former half. Either ways, the experience is more fulfilling.
BUT, don't get me wrong. I want to settle down..eventually! Like I once told someone I know, this time around I'm simply going to get married to the guy! Until then I want to be free of the huge price tag attached to this whole love business.
(Note: You had better read this through a few more times at later points in your life and work it out with better clarity at those times. I think this is the beginning of something that will lead to something totally different - it definitely merits more thought and analysis. Actually. Please read this before you get married also.)
