My landlady has gone senile. Maybe because I was busy with my friend-with-benefits the house lacked the happiness of youth in it. When I got back into action (not the type I had with my friend-with-benefits, you naughty reader) I noticed how she was biting my head off on every opportunity she got! She screams at me if I use the phone a little longer than expected, if I don't make up my mind between the 20th or the 21st to vacate, if I didn't realize the heater stopped working - she goes about flinging her wrinkled fat arms and increasing the volume of her cracking old voice!! Uuuf. I'm sick of her. She was absolutely fantastic the year I was here, but the last 3 weeks have been a nightmare. I miss home where it's me who does the screaming for no reason!!
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So I was shopping today. It's been a while since I gotto go shopping by myself. I was all dolled up coz I love gray days. We can discuss my weird reasons for dressing up on gray days later, you judgmental reader. Anyway, I was walking about looking at the various shoes when I saw this girl who was dressed alot like me! She had the same pink shirt, same blue jeans, same two ponytails and she looked so gorgeous! I was thinking in my head, 'Oh my god, this chick looks amazing. Oh my goodness me!! There's a girl who is as short as me in this country! Ayyy caramba. I must go up to her and talk to her!!' And I walked up all determined to strike up a conversation. Guess what I noticed after 4 steps? I was looking into the fucking mirror. So yeah. Maybe we should discuss why am I weird - in general.
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This Pakistani boy had taken a fancy for me. He dropped me off one day from the kebab shop to my place. I thought it was sweet that he offered to drop me off even though I was just a few minutes away from home. We got talking and he practised driving at dead slow pace. His car was smelling of meat but somehow I withstood that. Maybe because he had pretty eyes. Then he took my number. That's when things went bad with me and Mr. Pretty Eyes. He would call, text..you know the routine. Now, after 3 weeks of torture and a final rude goodbye, all I remember about Mr. Pretty Eyes was his opening sentence for asking me out, 'Are you Indian?'
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I used to date this extra hot Christian boy a long time back. We were in the middle of some steamy fun. You know how girls are, we are all charged up and thinking thoughts like, 'Oh god. I love this guy. I want to have his babies. Maybe we should make fake babies today. He's got the prettiest eyes. Actually lovely lips. No, no - gentle hands. He'll make a great husband. A better father. But he has to love me more than he loves the kids. And bring loads of money for me everyday. Maybe..Aaaaahhhh...Mmmm!' Okay, am I the only one who thinks like that, girly readers!?!? So when we were in the middle of this steamy fun, as I was saying, he suddenly stops and says, 'I was told that Brahmin girls are hot. I betcha that was right.' Pooooooof went the 'steam' in the fun (and the hotness in the Christian boy).
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I've grown up. I've grown up so much that it's apalling. This friend and I were seriously making out a few weeks ago when he'd come down here. After we got tired and were lolling in bed he asked me, 'I was told Brahmin girls are hot. Do you think so?' Instead of getting cheesed off that with what he said, I laughed and told him I actually do think that's right. I don't understand when will he ever get the fact that that was a tactless way to handle a girl. Actually, he's the same guy who asked me rather innocently after sex, 'Are you growing a moustache?' Huh!?!?!
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You know you are eating way too much of chips and mayo when the guy at the kebab van not only knows your order by heart, but also demands why you haven't come the past week. I'm really sorry, kebab boy, but I got frightened when the same friend from the above excerpt told me rather plainly, 'You're gonna squeeze mayo out of your breast for your baby, not milk.'
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I'd climbed up on one of the towers here to take pictures of the city. It's a lovely cloudy day so I was sure to capture the clouds and the city. Cool view and all that. Well, the tower has this peripheral pathway sort of thing where you can walk. The middle bit is a tin triangle thing. I was looking down at the city that I lived in for this year and a flood of emotions attacked me. I felt so wonderfully warmed with love for this place, how kind it had been to me and how much I was going to miss it. All emotional, I opened my arms wide and allowed the breeze to blow past me while I closed my eyes, plastered a big smile on my face and drunk in the sounds of 'my' city. In less than a few moments, this huge force of wind hit me so hard that I lost my balance and fell on the tin triangle thing. Ouch went my bum. Yeooooowwwwwww went my scream of pain. Freakin' hell. Is that how you thank me for extending my love for you!?!?!
3 comments:
cool. cool. poetic vibes.
Oy! You were extending your love for the city. The city had already done that. You were on that tower for a reason remember? ;) Lovely post though! :)
Billy - There's nothing poetic about this!!
Grey Shades - Thanks :)
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