God! God is shoved down my throat wherever I turn. My grandmom who bursts into chants when I talk about celebrating with a drink, my mom who promptly looked at the auspicious calender to tell us when to move into our new apartment, my dad who insists there is a positive energy in his meditation room, the owner of our apartment who wants us to keep those two god portraits to the automan who asks me to touch the 10 rupee note to my eyes coz I dropped it.
Ahhh! I am blinded by god. I am flooded by this god phenomenon. My mother-in-law falls into a strange quiet when I tell her I don't believe in all this 'auspicious' dates. My mom resents me for robbing her the joy of a ritual when I do get pregnant (I think it's just her poor excuse to show off to the world that her daughter can not only get a PhD, but even get pregnant). My grandmother think it's a phase. But no one will believe that I don't believe.
God is a concept that gathered quite the following. This following has different strategies to break me. Some gently prod, some obsess, some argue, some wait. Just the other day, my dad appealed to my scientific mind by agreeing that the god concept is for people who can't seem to attribute inexplicable situations to coincidence. Then, promptly, he said that energies are a science. Even Einstein believed in it. Oh no, Daddy. You were so close.
I don't want to bring my kids up thinking there is a certain god they have to believe in. I feel this burden of god. Whenever something good happens, there's still a corner in my mind that has to remind me that this famous god in Tirupati did nothing. This god doesn't exist. It's a man-made concept. When I'm experiencing bad times, I have to stop myself from buckling and making a vow. The way god was explained to me is all messed up - it made me a weak person. God had nearly become a concept that are into me when my chips are down, like a vulture waiting for its corpse, like a virus eating away into weakened bone.
That's why I will not have any god idols, god talk, rituals, praying or ceremonies in my household. We don't believe in bringing up our kids in a limited environment where inquiry meets a god-created cul-de-sac. They can choose what they want to believe in. I would rather a scientific mind with a dollop of romance, than a feverish belief relinquishing imagination.
Ahhh! I am blinded by god. I am flooded by this god phenomenon. My mother-in-law falls into a strange quiet when I tell her I don't believe in all this 'auspicious' dates. My mom resents me for robbing her the joy of a ritual when I do get pregnant (I think it's just her poor excuse to show off to the world that her daughter can not only get a PhD, but even get pregnant). My grandmother think it's a phase. But no one will believe that I don't believe.
God is a concept that gathered quite the following. This following has different strategies to break me. Some gently prod, some obsess, some argue, some wait. Just the other day, my dad appealed to my scientific mind by agreeing that the god concept is for people who can't seem to attribute inexplicable situations to coincidence. Then, promptly, he said that energies are a science. Even Einstein believed in it. Oh no, Daddy. You were so close.
I don't want to bring my kids up thinking there is a certain god they have to believe in. I feel this burden of god. Whenever something good happens, there's still a corner in my mind that has to remind me that this famous god in Tirupati did nothing. This god doesn't exist. It's a man-made concept. When I'm experiencing bad times, I have to stop myself from buckling and making a vow. The way god was explained to me is all messed up - it made me a weak person. God had nearly become a concept that are into me when my chips are down, like a vulture waiting for its corpse, like a virus eating away into weakened bone.
That's why I will not have any god idols, god talk, rituals, praying or ceremonies in my household. We don't believe in bringing up our kids in a limited environment where inquiry meets a god-created cul-de-sac. They can choose what they want to believe in. I would rather a scientific mind with a dollop of romance, than a feverish belief relinquishing imagination.
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