The lowering of self-esteem, the heightening of self-doubt.

before it starts
you will feel the sinking
of your heart while it desperately
claws itself out of the cesspool
of unfortunate memories
and
you will hear your blood rushing to your ears
making all sorts of ominous sounds
on its way.

once it begins
you will see a blurring of
your field of vision
and
your thoughts collapse into one
another until they become a
continuum of incessant
mental chatter waiting to shatter
into a million shards for
you to bleed upon.

if you are lucky,
or if you will yourself
real hard,
you will be able to
transport into a dreamworld
until this too
passes.

until it begins all over
again,
always catching you off guard
always making sure it takes a piece of
you while it passes.